Monthly Archives: March 2008
Tanya White is described as a go-getter, trailblazer, visionary, and trendsetter. She is also the author of “How To Deal With A Difficult Woman” and her new book, “ Relationship Reruns; How to break the cycle of choosing the wrong people for the right relationships.” This author, life success coach and empowerment speaker certainly has a lot to share and we’re thankful she’s on Authors N Focus.
Charles: Tanya, what was your inspiration to write “How To Deal With A Difficult Woman”?
Tanya: As a life coach, confidante and being a woman myself I noticed that when people have conflict or encounter a difficult woman the common response is to avoid, ignore or argue with her. But these strategies can quickly become cumbersome and make the situation worse. There a healthier and more effective ways to deal with a difficult woman and probably rescue the relationship if time is taken to calmly address the issue and establish boundaries and expectations. My book gives you the whys and hows of dealing with difficult women in your family, in your church, on the job and in your social circles.
Charles: What in your opinion is a difficult woman? Can you provide us with some examples?
Tanya: A difficult woman is someone who frequently tries to control, manipulate, sabotage and belittle others’ dreams and endeavors. A difficult woman creates strife between family and friends, is selfish, negative, very pessimistic, rude and uses people for their power, money and position. She’s that woman that nobody really celebrates just tolerates. I have over 55 examples in my book How To Deal With A Difficult Woman.
Charles: On your website, you list a few questions for readers who may need the book. From your experience, what has been the response from people who have read “Difficult Woman”?
Tanya: Men love the concept. At most events/signings their first reaction is “I NEED THIS BOOK!” However, it never fails if they are with a woman-wife/girlfriend she begins to say things such as “Why do you need this book? Are you saying that I am difficult?” The woman’s reaction causes the man to change his mind about purchasing a book he really needs. Some women are apprehensive about buying for some reason. A few women have taken offense to the title but that is okay. But mostly when the women read the profiles, someone they know comes to mind or they see themselves.
Charles: What do you feel readers should get out of your book?
Tanya: There is not a single solution but a combination of how to deal with a difficult woman. The first solution is to look within yourself. If you have a lot of difficult women in your life, the only common denominator is you. Secondly, if you have not established relationship boundaries and expectations do so. Tell people your boundaries and establish consequences. Let people know your expectations. Finally, the most important solution is honest communication. In relationships especially when conflict arises, the natural tendency is to think that people know what you are feeling without you telling them. You must communicate when people have offended you, hurt you, crossed your boundaries, when you feel neglected and rejected, etc. Being afraid to tell people how you truly feel creates more tension and difficulty.
Charles: Tanya, you’ve come out with a follow up book, “Relationship Reruns”. What was your reason for writing this book and how does it differ from your first literary work?
Tanya: As a life success coach I help people to overcome the obstacles and barriers that have previously hindered them from achieving their goals. And it was interesting to see that when we uncover the barriers almost 90% of my clients attributed it to a bad dating, friendship, business or professional relationship choices.
Charles: In the beginning I mentioned you’re a life success coach. Why do people need coaching in being successful in life and how many clients have been changed as a result?
Tanya: If you really want to go to the next level in any career or goal then you will definitely benefit from a coach. Coaching is having a personal accountability team, resource outlet, cheerleader and guide to help you achieve success in various areas of your life. Many times we have all of the skills and the pieces to our dreams but have no idea how to connect them. A coach helps you connect those pieces. I have several coaches myself.
Charles: When did you start your speaking career? What is the joy you find in being in front of a large group of people? Ever get nervous? (smile!)
Tanya: I’ve been speaking in church, in school clubs at community events etc all of my life. But in 2006 is when I actually decided to pursue speaking as a career. The joy is to witness the excitement and hear the audience feedback afterwards. Yes, I always get nervous whether it is 5 people or 500 people.
Charles: Where can our readers find you?
Tanya: Website and other contact info. Readers can sign up for my free weekly e-newsletter called Tanya’s Tips via my website at www.tanyawhite.com, they may visit me on myspace at www.myspace.com/tanyawhiteky or feel free to e-mail me at email@example.com.
Charles: Finally Tanya, what advice can you give to the aspiring writers out there who want to make a difference like you?
Tanya: 1) Be willing to sacrifice and change your schedule. Writing requires a lot of focus and time. 2) Start finding an audience so that you may get your writing before readers. 3) Be confident that you have a voice that will reach someone. There is always room for new writers in the industry so do not be afraid to launch out and share your writing with others. 4) Be unique and think outside of the box. 5) Connect with other writers and learn the craft. 6) Expect rejection and criticism. But do not let it paralyze you. Learn from it and press forward.
Charles: Tanya, thanks for your time.
Tanya: Thank you for this opportunity.